Welcome to Thursday’s Confessions. A new weekly feature where I confess, before you my sisters and brothers, the silly, the ridiculous and even at times the shameful. Why? Because confession is good for the soul. Even in Blogland.
I dig things out of the trash. When driving through any neighborhood I tend to take my time, one eye on the road and one eye on the side of the road, where goodies may be left for the trash or junk pick-up.
I have hauled home chairs, shelves, swings, lampshades, boats, all sorts of fun finds.
This lovely lady is my most recent score. A neighbors tree was recently cut down and in the pile of wood (yes I went and looked at discarded wood) there was a large vintage Angel. The kind you hang in a tree at Christmas time in your yard. The wing and body part where made of that tinsel garland and were completely destroyed. But this sweet face survived and I snatched it up. She was a little grimy, but after a good scrub she is lovely again. I am not sure where she will land. I am thinking my bedroom, perhaps the dressing area. For now she is hanging out in the kitchen, keeping me company while I experiment with freezing jello and pudding.
Money. I stink at money. Well, not completely. I am good with finding bargains and deals. I am not great at budgeting. Better, I am getting better ( a lot better in fact. Cash is king!) but still, the fact remains that I am lousy with money. This is the #1 reason I know longer have my own business. I dug myself a really big hole and I have spent the past 3 years digging myself out of it. In brief lets just say that things got so bad that they got “legal” and that I will never again have a credit card. Period. Those credit card offers that come in? They might as well be coupons for free liquor being delivered to the AA chairmans home. That is how it was is for me. I find that it is very embarrassing to be so bad with money, and coming to terms with this fact has been perhaps the most humbling experience of my life.
For a while I thought that because I was bad with money that I was less of an adult. That I was less than everything. That if I could just conquer this one issue within my own power that I would BE.
Be what I don’t know, but I was sure that being whatever it was, was better and gooder than being this.
Eventually what I worked out through trial and error and mountains of grace, is that being good with money is not what makes you a grown-up. Being honest and transparent and really, really humble about ones limitations, struggles and failures, those are things that are required to truly grow-up.
I also learned that I need to take certain preventive measures and precautions. Like never, ever opening a credit card account. Ever. No matter how much free stuff I will get or how big a discount I can save today. And switching to cash budgeting for things like groceries, eating out and flea marketing is good, because, whadda know, when the money is gone, it is really gone. Much easier to keep track of how much you have left to spend that way. And there has been lots repentance and supplication, the constant rhythm of my favorite prayer: Help me, Help me, Help me. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, keeping time in the background, as I find the steps to this new dance.